Stewart Bogle from Resilient Souls is a respected voice in the field of educational leadership. As a speaker and contributor with CSA, he draws on both professional experience and a deeply personal story to help others navigate life’s most challenging seasons.
Recently, Stewart joined CSA member school principal Mike Potter for a podcast conversation exploring resilience, leadership, and how to support people through difficult times. This blog reflects on the key themes and insights from that discussion, particularly the important idea that while kindness matters, it is not always enough when people in our communities are hurting.
Why kindness alone is not enough when people in our communities are hurting
Most of us are carrying more than people realise.
We just become very good at hiding it.
We develop a version of ourselves we present to the world.
The capable version.
The in-control version.
The leader, the teacher, the colleague, the parent, the friend who seems to be coping.
For many staff and leaders in Christian school communities, that version of ourselves is the one people depend on every day.
And then there’s the version that sits behind the door we present to the world. The private things we carry while still showing up each day.
Over the past year I’ve had the privilege of speaking with Christian Schools Australia leaders in Western Australia and New South Wales about what leaders carry privately while still showing up publicly. These conversations often raise an important question for school communities: how do we respond when someone in our midst is quietly carrying more than we realise?
Many of us have learned how to function while hurting. We develop ways of coping, protecting, surviving.
It works.
Until it does not.
Recently on the Resilient Souls podcast, I sat down with principal and author, Mike Potter, for a two-part conversation based on his book Life Is Messy: Hope in Dark Places.
In Part 1, Mike does something courageous. He opens the door. He speaks honestly about what felt like the silence of God, the expectation on him to stay strong, and the cost of pretending everything was fine. It is the kind of vulnerability we don’t often see from leaders.
“When we allow our own suffering to soften us rather than harden us, the communities we belong to become safer for everyone.”
But Part 2 is where the conversation shifts.
It is not just about Mike’s personal journey. It is about what changed because of it. Mike began to ask different questions as a leader.
Instead of reacting to behaviour, he paused and asked what might be sitting behind it.
Instead of assuming someone was difficult, he wondered what they might be carrying.
Instead of expecting everyone to cope, he modelled saying, “I’m not okay.”
And then he did something even more important. He helped build systems.
• Multidisciplinary wellbeing teams.
• Clear referral pathways.
• Training staff to ‘notice and then act’.
• Creating cultures where teachers weren’t left in the dark about vulnerable students, and where it became normal to ask deeper questions.
In other words, the community did not just become safe. It became skilled. That distinction matters.
Because life is messy, and it always impacts the communities we belong to.
• Families walk into our schools carrying trauma.
• Students arrive holding grief, anxiety, or family complexity.
• Staff sometimes carry pressures few people know about.
• Parents sit quietly in assemblies while navigating difficult seasons at home.
If our school communities are not prepared, if they lack clarity, structure, and courage, compassion alone does not hold up under pressure.
“People don’t just need kind words. They need communities that know what to do.”
This is not just a leadership issue. It’s a community issue.
Christian schools are uniquely positioned to model something different. A culture where people are not only cared for, but where staff are equipped and systems exist to support those walking through difficult seasons.
Not with panic.
Not with platitudes.
But with thoughtful presence and wise processes.
Over the past few years on the Resilient Souls podcast I’ve listened to story after story of people navigating grief, illness, trauma, divorce, leadership pressure, and loss. One theme keeps emerging. Communities make an enormous difference when they are both safe and skilled.
Mike’s story is one powerful example of what that can look like. His vulnerability and authenticity add to the practical wisdom that sits at the heart of this conversation.
If you haven’t listened to Mike’s two episodes on the Resilient Souls podcast, I’d encourage you to. Not because our conversation offers easy answers, but because it models something we need more of in leadership and in our schools: honesty from leaders and courage from communities. Because here’s the truth. You’ll either harden when life gets difficult, or you’ll soften.
And when leaders allow their own suffering to deepen compassion rather than shrink it, the spaces they lead become safer for everyone around them.
The question is not whether people around us are hurting.
The question is whether our communities will be ready when they are.
Questions to Reflect on:
You might consider discussing these with your leadership team or wellbeing staff:
1. If a student, staff member, or family in your CSA school community was quietly carrying trauma or grief, would your leadership team know how to respond in a way that truly supports them?
2. Is your school community simply well-meaning, or is it prepared? What structures, conversations, or training might help strengthen your response?
3. When challenging situations arise in your school community, what helps your team respond with both compassion and clarity?
From Reflection to Action
(These are just suggestions: You might choose one or two of these as a starting point.)
1. Start by noticing
Pay attention to the people around you this week. Is there a student, colleague, or parent who seems withdrawn, unusually tired, or not quite themselves? Instead of assuming they’re simply busy or difficult, pause and ask a caring question to see if they’re ok.
2. Discuss this with your leadership or wellbeing team
Ask together: “If someone in our school community was quietly carrying trauma or grief, would we know what to do?”
3. Clarify support pathways
Kindness is important, but clarity matters too. Who would a staff member or student speak to if they were struggling? Are referral pathways clear for staff?
4. Strengthen a culture of “notice and act”
Encourage staff to gently notice changes in behaviour or wellbeing and feel confident raising concerns with the appropriate people.
5. Explore training and support structures
Consider whether your school community would benefit from training, professional development, or wellbeing initiatives that equip staff to support students and colleagues during difficult seasons.
6. Listen to the conversation that inspired this reflection
Mike Potter shares both his personal story and the practical steps his school community took to become safer and more skilled in supporting people through difficult seasons. Check it out here Part 1 and Part 2
Bible Verses About Supporting One Another
1. Galatians 6:2 (NLT): “Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.”
2. Romans 12:15 (CEB): “Be happy with those who are happy, and cry with those who are crying.”
3. 1 Corinthians 12:26 (NIV): “If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honoured, every part rejoices with it.”
4. Hebrews 10:24–25 (The Message): “Let’s see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out… not avoiding worshipping together as some do but spurring each other on.”
Looking Ahead
Conversations like this are part of what’s shaping the next stage of the work we’re doing at Resilient Souls
In the coming weeks we’ll be releasing the second of our Collective Wisdom resources, focused on how communities can respond wisely when life becomes messy. (The first explored how individuals can support someone they care about. You can find it here.)
Through the Resilient Souls podcast and these Collective Wisdom resources, we’re exploring how schools and communities can thoughtfully support people walking through grief, trauma, illness, and complex life seasons.
The goal is simple but crucial: to help communities become not only caring and compassionate, but also safe and skilled in how they respond when life gets messy.
If this sort of content resonates with you or your school community, you can explore more by visiting resilientsouls.substack.com to sign up to receive future reflections like this and resources designed to support schools and other communities walking through difficult seasons.